O Lord, the God of Heaven
Do not hide thy face from me
May my prayer come before you
Lord, do not ignore my plea
For my soul is greatly troubled
And my life draws near the grave
I am counted with the fallen
But am I one thou will not save?
I have been forgotten
I have been severed from thy hand
My strength hath been expended;
No longer can I stand
To the lowest pit Ive sunk
Of your bitter cup, Ive drunk
and I am overwhelmed
My closest friends shun thoughts of me
I am repulsive to their eyes
I cannot come forth, I am confined
avoided and despised
I call to thee O Lord
Do you show your wonders to the dead?
If I spread my hands before you,
Would you reach out or turn your head?
Do you show faithfulness in Abaddon?
Is your love declared in death?
Are you known in the Land of Oblivion?
Can the dead praise without breath?
Why dost thou reject me?
Why hidest thou thy face?
Daily, I cry out for help,
Hast thou withdrawn thy grace?
I long hath been afflicted
Its no new phenomenon,
But I have sunken to despair
And I cannot go on.
The darkness is my one companion left
I wrote this based on my favorite psalm 88, and it applied to my life at the time so well
I'm atheist agnostic, but I like your idea to give the old english some kind of rebirth, I really laughed when reading "Why dost thou reject me?" - but somehow I love it. I may not participate in your belief of god, but I like your motivation to get some ... ... artificial style into it. It has some good verses too.
I really think this piece has some potential. My biggest problem lies with the rhyme scheme, it feels far too forced and impeeds the flow of the poem. The King James speech doesn't help much either. I do love the subject matter and the moodiness, but I think it really could use that angry Sylvia Plath touch of sarcasm. Check out her religiously dark poem, the Moon and the Yew Tree. It's dark and painful, but there is a touch of venom to it which gives it that extra feeling of power.